Neighborhood Watch..

For the past two and a half weeks there has been a red Chevy Aveo that has been parked right smack in front of my house. It has not moved. WTF. A couple days, fine. But two and a half weeks is starting to piss me off. We know whose car it is, it belongs to the wife of the neighbor across the street. So whats the deal? (with airplane peanuts??). The first week wasn't a problem. Evidenced by the "I'm not a Republican" and save the earth bumper stickers I thought that maybe she works on an election, and out fighting crime with Obama or Hill Dog. But now it's two and a half weeks and starting to get irritating and to the point where I want to ask the guy across the street whats up and to move it. Seriously people, if you're going backpacking in Europe - ya mind parking it in your f-ing garage? You think you would want to as it has luckily stayed put through a snow emergency plowing. Whats the deal hubby? Do I need to report this? (long term residential parking is not exactly legal) Is she out on a fishing trip with Scott Peterson?
But if this is legit and lets say she didn't leave her husband and is just out on a plastic surgery vacation in the Caribbean or something - I know exactly why it is parked on our side of the street - because every sensible person on our block parks on our side of the street. Why you may ask? Because of one crazy ass old lady. Every neighbor four houses on each side of her parks on our side of the street. She is a prime example of why elderly drivers need to go. Up until a couple months ago she owned a Buick LaSaber. This car was beat to shit. It looked like she took it to a monster truck rally and lost a demolition match to Megasarus. Her back and font bumpers smashed, side paneling smashed, pieces sticking out, no right mirror, left mirror was on - but hallow from clipping something.. She gets in her car, and swerves down the street where ever she needs to go and just smashes cars along the way like bumper bowling. In front of her house is no joke a 100yd runway for her now - she confidently blazes in, with little brake she rolls the front wheel up over the curb and back down and then stops. When I first moved in I thought the car belonged to a drunk teenager, as I saw it parked with one wheel about a foot onto the curb. Rough night buddy. But now I'm scared. So every couple weeks there would be a new dent - last summer she plowed into our next door neighbors Excursion which was parked. No note. Only unknowing visitors park by her house. So a couple months ago, around Thanksgiving we saw her obviously neglecting family circled around her car. Wow... granny is really smacking the shit out of this one.. What should we do? Take her car away because she is obviously a hazard on the road, and we are concerned for her and the general public's safety? Nope..I know.. we'll just buy her a new one!!! Can you believe it? So now granny has a sleeker, smaller car, the old one was just too bulky. Thats the problem. You know my theory? I think Granny is getting boozed up at her bridge club. It's pretty sad, but I am close to reporting her too. Last year, in a six month span, I had to AVOID getting hit by three elderly drivers. One from swerving, two where I just saw the blue hair and knuckles coming my way at an intersection - it was my turn to go but I waited, and what do you know the crow just b-lines right through a stop sign. Get them off the road. YPAED. Young People Against Elderly Drivers. My new organization. Old people whine about their rights getting taken away. Boo hoo. You have lived your entire life - but face it - right now you're pretty much a drunk driver, and you want to risk the lives of people, children who have not had the same opportunities and life experiences as you because in the sunset of your life you want to drive yourself to Bakers Square. Because that and church are the only places old people go. Bakers Square should be required to operate Metro Mobility shuttles. I don't think old people are as sweet as their reputation precedes them - I see right through their charades. Many are just as selfish as everyone else and need to be regulated. If I don't take a stance on this, just who the hell is? Don't come crying to me when you get into a head on collision with Gladys on a one way street. Consider yourself warned.