Monty's Celebrity Encounters, Vol 1

Situation: Accidental Run In

Date: February 12, 2003

The Story: So I was walking to the cafeteria in college. I opened the door to the building where the cafeteria is held, which also has several conference/reception rooms. I was reading through a paper as I was walking a path I had walked a 100 times. All of a sudden WHAM!!! I slam into someone. "Oh my god, excuse me" I immediately say as I step back and look up. Only to see it is a large, strong, non-student.. Holy shit - is that Carl Lewis?? No...I mean.. Jackie Joyner Kersee?!?! I completely slammed into her bosom. Her succulent succulent rock hard bosom.

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The other day a friend felt the need to inform me he saw a picture of opera singer Andrea Bocelli's new fiancee. And she was hot. Great. Thanks. And Frankie Muniez dates playboy models. Why do I have to know this? Do I really need to know this? So we looked it up, and I thought for a second.. I'm not saying, I'm just saying...aren't his odds HEAVILY skewed towards him finding an average looking woman on his own? If not two in a row? I give him all the credit in the world for asking for input. Well done.

Beer Quiz

Can you match the beer lable with the correct bottle??







ANSWERS:




1. What brewery was the first to produce tab-top beer cans?
a. Pabst
b. Bud
c. Schlitz
d. Miller

2. What beer tells us to 'grab all the gusto you can get'?
a. Pabst
b. Bud
c. Schlitz
d. Miller

3. When champagne and stout are mixed what is it called?
a. Blue Velvet
b. Black Velvet
c. Red Velvet
d. White Velvet

4. Lager beer is usually aged over or under 3 months?
Over
Under

5. Two kinds of British beer are 'bitter' and 'mild'.
True
False

6. What is the great beer of Japan?
a. Kirin
b. Rising Sun
c. Nippon

7. What was the original name of lite beer from Miller?
a. Golden Lite
b. Silver Bullet
c. Mellow Lite
d. Meister Brau Lite

8. What kind of German beer always pictured a goat in its ads?

9. Bach beer is traditionally drunk in the early spring.
a. True
b. False

10. What percentage of alcohol is in Near Beer?
a. 2
b. 1.5
c. 1
d. .5


ANSWERS:
1. Schlitz
2. Schlitz
3. Black Velvet
4. Under
5. True
6. Kirin
7. Meister Brau Lite
8. Bock Beer & Bock
9. True
10. .5

Start Me Up!

The Little Caesars a couple blocks from my house was doing a bit of advertising this past weekend. They usually have some sort of weekend advertising to attract attention. Sometimes it is a large inflatable Little Caesar, or people wearing signs, even a Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Guy. They always have something. The only increase of traffic I have noticed around this Little Caesars since it opened is from high school students asking you to buy them beer from the Asian liquor store next door. "Hey Mr."s happen every once in a while there, and with the number of underage sting operations I've heard of, if you have half a mind you say no quicker than a proposition from a Tijuana hooker.


So back to Little Caesars, I was in the car with my brother on the way to a golf course, the sun is shining, windows down, feeling good. As we are pulling up to the stop sign next to the Caesars, we see that the Little Caesars decided to rock out this weekend. What does Little Caesars mean by Rocking Out? They hired a single Somalian male to stand on the corner of the street, and hold a wooden carve out of an electric guitar with Little Caesars logos on it. Excellent! It was so funny. The worst, but funniest marketing I have ever seen. He was just standing there, motionless, looking at traffic. So as we pull up to the stop sign next to him, I slip in my Stones CD and my brother turned Start Me Up to max volume. The sign guy wasn't facing us and was a bit startled at first, and then he turned around and we started hooting and hollering and cheering for him. He cracked a confused smile, looked side to side, and then pretended to play the song. He bobbed his head a couple times and started roboticly sliding his open palm up and down and around the sign like he was wiping it down. He had no clue what to do. We sat there, cheered and whistled, and made him do this for probably a half minute.