Hot or Not - LPGA Edition

Last week I was able to attend the U.S. LPGA Open in Minnesota. Yes, I went to a women's golf tournament. Shut up. A friend suggested I should have walked through the main gates, and upon seeing my first golfer yelled loudly, "Wait..wait..wait a minute.. You didn't tell me this was WOMENS GOLF!! I'm out of here!" I had a good time, but yes, there were a few key differences between attending a women's LPGA major and a men's PGA major. 1) With free admittance under 18 years of age, there were little brats running around everywhere constantly, whoring autographs from every woman with a club in their hand. Many of which they, I, or anyone else has never heard of. Parents pushing their kids up to the front of the ropes and telling their kids the golfers name from the guide so they can beg. "Morgan, can I have your autograph?" says a three year old to their dads delight. All players remained courteous and generous. Many foreigners didn't get the same courtesy though, no "excuse me Miss Dim Sung Park! Miss Ni San Pho!! Miss Park Park Fu Park can I have your autograph?" The kids just shoved their hats in front of the foreigners, blocking their way to the next tee until they scribbled something on an already full hat of autographs. Or a camera man would put a camera right into the face of a Korean player as she left the green and made her repeat "Plaayee Golf Mi Nee Sota" until she got it right. These constant delays lead to almost seven hour practice rounds in 90 degree heat and was annoying as hell. 2) There were a ton of lesbian couples in the crowd. Not only was there a U.S. Women's open in town (dozens of young, tone, athletic girls for these gals to peruse) but there was, by chance or not, a GLBT Pride festival happening the same weekend in the Twin Cities. That means not only could they check out high caliber woman empowering entertainment, but when they're done, they can drive over to Loring Park and make a non-legally binding life commitment to forever eat each others box. It was a great weekend for lesbianism. Walking around in the gallery everywhere were women strongly resembling a young Kathy Whitworth. How do I know these ladies were lesbians? I don't, but, when you see two women walking around that look like Fred Funk, with a nice athletic haircuts, wearing Tevas, holding hands and beaming because they just got close enough to Laura Davies to see the sweat stain from her FUPA - they might be lesbians. 3) Holy Korean invasion. Seriously, not only was every other golfer on the course Korean, but packs of asians followed the asian golfers, surrounded by several asian photographers following each asian grouping with big asian cameras taking very asian photographs. I haven't seen that many asian people since I went to the second floor of Club Taboo during a techno show and felt like Andre the Giant walking around. 4) The final difference was there were several very very attractive female golfers walking around in very nice mini skirts, with very nice tanned legs out there. It was quite enjoyable to watch through out the day.

Several times over the past two years, I have debated with multiple people - who is the hotter of the two most prominent LPGA "Lookers". Paula Creamer or Natalie Gulbis. Aside from Mannika and Borena, these two ladies by far had the largest crowds at the tourney. I personally have been shocked at how adament people are about taking one position or the other on this subject especially when it is so obvious. Not only that, but how many people disagree with my position. I won't tell you my preference. I, however, will give you the opportunity yourselves to completely strip these women of any professional credentials and talent, and judge them merly as I have, on their physicality. So here you go - Gulbis vs. Creamer.

Natalie Gulbis: Overstated, over stacked, under framed bottle blonde. Humba Jumba. If this photo of her stretching doesn't give you an X Flex, one of Adam Scott may.

Paula Creamer: I will give her this, as seen here on the putting green, she has great legs. I watched her stroke for quite some time. She is a good putter. I see her homely, youthful appeal. But, am I the only one who notices the maniacal smile? Frumpy downturned stare? And where did her chin go? Not to mention she constantly wears sunglasses so large it makes a blind person jealous. It is a no brainer. Gulbis takes the cake. Yet I have not met one person yet who, when it's brought up, sides with me on this subject. I'm not even saying she is the best on the LPGA Tour.. Because she's not. I'm just stating that she is hotter than Paula Creamer. Hands down.

Hot or Not - LPGA Edition: In this following section, I will give you a glimpse of some of the more well known characters on the LPGA tour. Some are hot - some definitely are not.

Laura Davies. A physique that makes John Daly blush. This giant English Hobbit is known for her big swings and big appetite. How much would you pay to lick that belt under her muffin top after a sweaty 18? Me? Alot. Definitely Hot.

Christina Kim: Widely known as the "Always Fashionable" one on the ladies tour. I have one question. Fashion is supposed to invoke reaction right? Is puking in your mouth the right reaction? And if seeing her on the course doesn't make you let a rip cord go, how about her in evening wear? I wonder what she's eyeing with that seductive look? A Culvers? Business or casual she does herself no justice - she's as broken as a three wheeled Radio Flyer. Definitely Not Hot.

Song-Hee Kim: The Yang to the above Yin. Want a girl that will never get fat? The lustful physique of an anorexic cross country runner? Well here you go. Song-Hee, I think those sponsors on your cap pay you enough money now to eat. Not Hot.

Lorena Ochoa: If she didn't leave something in the shorts after this shot I would be surprised. Many times, you see a different side of a woman once they let their hair down. I wasn't sold on Lorena until I found this picture of her softer side. Certified babe. Natural smile, natural beauty and definitely a Hottie. Not. (That's a not joke).

Minea Blomqvist: I saw her up close on the course. Thought she was a total cutie. Nice, petite, Finnish accent. Big fan. I then found this photo and am completely perplexed. Yikes! The delicate facial features of Lurch from the Munsters. I don't know which way to go. Alright, Hot - under the condition that she wears golf attire and a visor all day. I'm talking night too.

Suzann Petterson: A true Jeckyll and Hyde. The first time I saw her I thought she was a Norwegian hottie. I then saw her again, and questioned if it was the same person I saw the first time. I then realized that she fluctuates like the tides. The above photos are of her at her best. Not a bad looking woman.

But then you see this and she looks like a totally different person. Tag Heuer couldn't bring her best out, and that bottom right photo is inexcusable. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to vote - Not Hot. Nikki Garrett: This 24 year old Australian born player on the Ladies European tour has been known for taking some pretty saucy photos, as seen on the left. But, get her out of that studio lighting and she looks like Adam Carola. Definitely - Not Hot.

Michelle Wie: Her fall from grace has been a spectacle to watch. Even though her game is in the tank, those legs will keep her in business for a long time. Don Gaaa. Hot.
Sa Kura Yukomiune: Heeerrr Roooooo. Hard to decide whats hotter - her in golf attire or in a kimono and powdered face. She can be my geisha any day. Me rove you rong time. Hot.

Danah Ford: Wrapping it up with the A list. This relatively unknown is on the Futures Tour, however, she is currently smokin hot. This stock photo does her no justice. I wish her all the luck in the world, and hope the Futures Tour makes a stop in the Twin Cities soon. I have already set aside money to buy her calendar when she reaches the ladies tour. Those following Creamer and Gulbis at the U.S. Open had no clue. Most certainly - Hot. Anna Rawson: Wow.. So easily makes Paula Creamer look like a homeless woman, and compared to Anna, Natalie Gulbis has the natural beauty of a porn star. Side to side, the red headed step children that they are, Anna wipes them off the charts in Tsunami like fashion. Not only is she a professional model.. but she's a pro golfer too.. I mean come on. I'm defenseless. In my world of digging golf chicks, she is Hera, queen of the fairways. Her Myspace already has 2882 friends... and soon to be 2883.